I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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