My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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