her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
