We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
