i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
