Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize