your room smells of hookers.
And success
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
