She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
