Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
