names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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