just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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