hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
