So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
