what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
