just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
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