Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
