my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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