I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
