im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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