He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We don't watch enough power rangers
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize