Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize