I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
