considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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