I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
