and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
