had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
