Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you told grandpa to call you daddy
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize