At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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