my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
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