non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
