WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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