I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
