yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
