I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
