I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
