atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
