don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize