Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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