that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
