Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
