i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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