I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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