do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
