Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
