In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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