Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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