oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
