69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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