The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
