my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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