I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
