Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
