I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize