the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
