After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
