I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
