At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
