I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
