Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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