You smell like stripper and shame
high people should be assigned attendants
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize