He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Even my vagina gasped.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
