I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
