See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
