fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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