she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
